On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
