i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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