goodnight i made you a song goodbye
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
