i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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