I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Sext me about skeletons
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
