Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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