first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
