My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
