she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
