I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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