Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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