Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
