why didn't you poke me back
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
