Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I will be naked everywhere
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
