PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
