Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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