Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
