and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
