I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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