"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
