Tell her she can't have a vagina
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
