Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
