mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
