The maid of honor just puked.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
