my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
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