I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
