dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
