yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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