I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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