Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
