I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
