Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
