You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
