You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
