the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just threw up on my dentist
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
