so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
