Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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