Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
