I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The Olympian is in my bed
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
