dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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