Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
