How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
