This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
