lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
