Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
