We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
