Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I see more hoeing in ur future
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
