He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
