what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
