I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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