alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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