It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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