This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
