having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
