is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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